The Dos and Don'ts of Writing a Query Letter

Oh, the dreaded query letter. Maybe not as dreaded as the synopsis, but still a daunting task. I've been helping authors hone their query letters lately, and I find that some of the same things crop up. So I thought I'd share a few Dos and Don'ts to hopefully help you out when the time comes to tackle yours.

DO:

• Address the agent by name:
Find out who the agent is, and make it personal. It is also a good idea to briefly explain why you have chosen that agent if they are a particularly good fit (but save this info for the end of your query).

• Start off with a great hook:
A hook is a one-sentence tagline for your book. It's meant to grab the reader's attention and ask for more. The best way to write a hook, is to look at loglines or taglines of other books. Here is mine for Fire of the Sea:
Where legends and lies cast an intricate net, a daughter of the sea will challenge fate to protect her own sacred relic and the man she loves from the enemy that binds them.

• Study other query letters:
Do a search for query letters that sold. You can even look for query letters from your favorite authors, and see what ultimately sold. I have included my query letter for Fire of the Sea, as well as my query-in-progress for my upcoming novel (still in the works), called Into the Fade.

• Sell your story:
This is your chance to shine. Write the bulk of your query in the style of the blurb on the back of a book jacket. My query translated almost 100% to the back of my book, in fact!

• Craft an interesting bio:
Make sure you include a few interesting tidbits about yourself above and beyond your desk job or current writing skills. Sell yourself as an author. An agent wants to know that you have some unique qualities, as well as a life outside of writing. Don't make it seem that you are putting all your eggs into one basket (even if you are).

• Mention your platform:
Have you been working on building your blog and Facebook audience? List it! Have you been speaking at conferences, or become the vice president of your local author group? Mention that, as well. If not, now is the time to get started!

• List your experience when applicable:
Don't worry if you have little to no previous writing experience. Just make sure to include any experience that you DO have. If you have previous published books, work included in anthologies, or a pertinent recurring column for a website/magazine/newspaper.  If you can tie in your current job or skill set to writing credibility, do it! If not, don't worry too much about it. Many agents sign—and even seek out—new, debut, and unknown authors .

DON'T

• List your age:
Just don't. Are you a mother of three? Great. Mention that. But don't tell anyone you just hit the big 3-0. They don't care.

• Mention that this is your first rodeo:
An agent doesn't have time to read about how you slaved away on your first novel for years. If you don't list any other writing experience, an agent will deduce that this is your debut novel, which is welcomed by most agents. But there's no need to give them any more reason to pass. ;) Let the work sell itself!

• Inflate your ability or your manuscript:
Never go on and on about how this is going to be a bestseller! Bragging is bad form. You may think this goes without saying, but it happens! Again, let your writing do the talking. It is often a good idea to liken your story to other books out there—but MAKE SURE you don't upgrade your novel to star status (unless you are seeking an agent for a previously self-published work that garnered lots of attention and has stellar sales). Seek out work in your genre that shares your target audience (hopefully you have even read some of these titles when doing your research/homework). For example, maybe you have a great wizard book for middle graders. You don't want to compare it to Harry Potter. Try mentioning the Adventurers Wanted series by M. L. Forman. Here is an example of how this could be written into your query:

"The recent success of series such as M. L. Forman’s Adventurers Wanted and Aiden Snow's Shadow Lantern shows there is still a strong market for wizardry tales for middle graders."

• Give a lengthy synopsis:
The bulk of your query letter should include a few well-structured paragraphs, and should never include the full plot line, too many characters, or the ending (that will come later in the process). Leave them wanting more!

• Don't send your query off without spell checking and having someone else check for errors:
(See below)

• Never query your top agent choices first:
When I sent out my first ten queries, I thought it was perfect. But I had read that query so many times that I was missing simple mistakes. I was REALLY excited to start the query process, and sent it out to my top ten choices because I just knew it would be loved by all right out of the gate (rolling eyes in retrospect). When I had ten instant rejections, I looked at my query again to find not just one error but a FEW (gasp). I was mortified, and I had just shot myself in the foot. Lesson learned. Now my queries get passed on to an editor (husband, friend, hired help) before going out to agents. By starting with some "test" agents, you can try out your query and see what kind of feedback you are getting. I went through three versions of my query early on before agents started to bite. So save your favorite agents for the final and best version of your query.

Thanks for joining me today! To read the query letter that landed me a book deal, as well as for my current work-in-progress, see below. Best of luck and happy writing!

Fire of the Sea 

Note that my hook isn't in this version. I sent out two final versions, 

and both got bites. My publisher just happened to receive this query.

Sharp, sleek, and golden. Like the dagger she has worn since childhood, eighteen-year-old Aeva is all three of these things. But there is something else that this mermaid and her prized weapon share. They are both hunted.

Hidden within the caves off Iceland’s jagged coast, Aeva waits to take her place as the next ruler of the Meriads. But new rumors of an old enemy begin to taint the merfolk’s guarded waters. Delphine, the covetous shapeshifter from Aeva’s past, has emerged from hiding. She comes for the blade said to grant immortality, and is drawing Aeva closer to a forbidden shore.

When Aeva uses her potent and alluring song to save a drowning human, the balance begins to shift dangerously. Realizing she has unexpectedly bound herself to Gunnar, Aeva is torn between a promise to protect the Meriads, and leaving the sea for love on land. Surrendering to fate, she painfully severs one life to begin another.

On the unfamiliar banks of Iceland, Aeva soon finds herself not only rejected by the sea, but also stalked by dark forces. As the worlds of myth and man intertwine, Aeva looks to Gunnar’s family to help protect both her sacred relic, and the man she loves. But legends and lies cast an intricate net. With time and safety quickly unraveling for Aeva and Gunnar, there is only one clear course: Find and defeat Delphine before she can shift again.

FIRE OF THE SEA is Young Adult fantasy fiction, complete at 121,000 words. I would be pleased to send you the full manuscript at your request. 

I am a graduate of the University of North Texas, where I studied creative writing and graphic design, before going on to pursue my Master's Degree in graphic arts at the Rochester Institute of Technology in upstate New York. As a stay-at-home mom, I spend my days infusing creativity into the details. I have two widely read blogs on living a creative life, motherhood, and the art of blogging. I currently live in the mountains of Utah with my filmmaker husband who fancies himself a Viking, and our two spirited young children.

Your time and consideration are much appreciated!

Into the Fade 

This story and query are both a work-in-progress, 

and the cover is only a mock-up that I threw together.

For seventeen-year-old Bryony illusion is survival. In a city where a girl’s face is her most dangerous asset, daughters are taught to shield themselves from the wilderness beyond—a wild, unknown landscape, home to beasts that hunt young women for their beauty. Daughter to the Gatekeeper on the outskirts of town, Bryony watches men go into the forest to kill these feral thieves, and sees even fewer return.

On the night of the Hunter’s Moon Fete, Bryony and her friend, Laurel, attend the one celebration a year when girls don’t have to fear their own beauty. Within the safety of the palace, girls of all ages come, hoping to be chosen to live under the protective wings of royal life. Bryony is not surprised when Laurel is selected to be among a group of the most elegant elite. And while she is pleased for her friend’s good fortune, Bryony is secretly relieved to return to the simple life she leads outside the city wall at the edge of her world.

But when Laurel goes missing from Drosera, Bryony is determined to find her friend before the beasts can. Slipping past the sentries that guard the wall, she enters the woods against the cries of her better judgment. What Bryony finds in the forest will shatter all of her notions of beauty and power, shedding light on a danger no one from within the wall could have ever imagined.

Turning rejection into writing success

We've all heard the stories about big, best-selling novels that were initially rejected—often repeatedly. But when you're facing your own rejection letters, it's a whole new story (pardon the pun). I faced probably 100 rejections over the course of a year when I was seeking an agent/publisher (I didn't actually go back and count—I'm not a masochist). It was sobering, to say the least. But I had to quickly learn to grow a thick skin and find a way to turn what seemed like endless rejection into something positive. Rejection actually teaches you how to stop being rejected! Here's how I handled it and eventually found the perfect fit for my novel, Fire of the Sea:

1. RETHINK YOUR APPROACH
After I got over the initial shock that anyone could turn down this obviously perfect 5-star piece of literature, I realized something a bit sobering. I'd been querying my top choices for agents right out of the gate. BIG MISTAKE. No one had requested my manuscript yet—not even a partial—which meant my query needed work. When I took a second look at my query, I realized it could be much stronger. Here I had been emailing my top agent choices with a lukewarm query letter! What I should have been doing was testing the waters a bit more before swimming with the sharks. I wanted them to take my bait, not eat me alive!

2. TURN REJECTION NOTES INTO EDIT NOTES
Once I had polished my query, I started to get requests for my partial—and eventually full—manuscript. I started to take notes of patterns in my rejection. Then I decided which concerns were significant enough for me to address. I had two main complaints. The first was my point of view, which is a subjective complaint, so I knew I didn't need to go rewriting my whole story. The second was that my story was starting too slow. At this point I had been submitting for about three months with varying response. I knew right away I needed to restructure the first third of my novel. So I put everyting on hold, and revised my manuscript.

3. RESPOND POLITELY WHEN APPROPRIATE
It's not always proper form to respond to an agent or publisher when they have rejected your work. If you send a query, and they pass, DO NOT reply! But what if they've been reading your full or partial manuscript for the last three weeks? If the agent or publisher offers notes with their rejection, respond with a positive and appreciative email. I actually had agents request that I resubmit my full manuscript (with edits per their request) when I replied to thank them for their suggestions, and showed intent to incorporate their notes.

4. DISCOVER WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO WORK WITH
In almost every scenario, a rejection shouldn't be taken personally. In fact, it helps you learn who you really want to be working with! There were agents I thought were my dream agents. WRONG. I realized quickly that we didn't share the same vision for my novel. I wanted someone who would love my book, and love to promote it. Ultimately, rejection lead me to do research into smaller publishers, which landed me with the wonderful Juanita Samborski of 48fourteen Publishing.

5. LET REJECTION MAKE YOU A STRONGER PERSON
Have you had a rejection letter? Even just one little sad email? Welcome to the club! You are now one of the elite group of writers who took the plunge and risked rejection to get their work out there. Now take it one step further and don't give up! Keep persisting. Revise and resubmit. The more you submit your work, the more you'll experience rejection, and the more you will learn what to do right the next time you send out that query letter! And guess what... Once you do publish your book, you'll have to face all those comments on Amazon (hopefully all five stars, of course). ;)

My road to publication: Part 3: A Happy Home

I was about eight weeks pregnant when I got the email. I stumbled into the kitchen at 8am with my iPhone and handed it over to my husband.

"I'm too sick to be excited about this. Could you read this email and tell me if this is worth getting excited about?" I had horrific morning (all day) sickness, and had barely been out of bed in weeks. I was a pregnant zombie on anti-nausea medicine. And I hadn't thought about my manuscript in months.

"Looks real to me..." Wes said. "But don't get too excited yet." (Wes is a filmmaker, and his motto is pretty much "it's not happening until it's happening.") So I went back to bed.

This is not the way I envisioned that day going. I had these grandiose day dreams about getting a call from an agent, where I would run through my list of questions for them with great natural poise, maybe tossing in a casual joke here and there. "So what did you enjoy about the manuscript? Oh really? That was my favorite part to write." Blah, blah, blah... (sickening, really).

I had some close calls—to getting that call, I mean. Once my manuscript had seen the eyes of a few beta readers, two more rounds of edits, more query tweaking, and a bit more self confidence in my emails, I did have a regular stream of requests for fulls and partials. I knew I was on the right track when enthusiastic agents would request the full manuscript immediately. That gets your heart pumping, let me tell you!

But the replies were still the same. I'd get great feedback, even some praise, but they all inevitably passed. The two big reasons were personal preference either on my POV or my "voice." But they all encouraged me to submit to more agents.

This was a typical response:

Thank you for sending in your manuscript for my review. You're a very talented writer--your descriptions in particular are very well formed and vivid--but I'm afraid that I just didn't resonate with your voice. Preference in narrative voice is very much a matter of opinion, as I'm sure you know, and while there is nothing wrong with your voice, it just isn't what I'm looking for right now. For this reason, I am going to pass on the project.

Please don't be discouraged by this. As I said, you are a very talented writer. Just because I felt one way about your voice doesn't mean that other agents or editors will share my opinions. Keep writing, revising, and querying. Good luck!

OR

Thank you so much for your query. I'm grateful for the opportunity to consider your work, but after careful consideration, I'm afraid I don't feel I'm the right agent for this project.  Your writing is masterful and evocative, and I feel that you are truly putting a fresh twist on the mermaid legend, but I'm afraid I'm really not taking on much in this category right now. I am truly sorry not to be able to offer you representation at this time, Lyndsay, and I wish you the very best of publishing luck as you move forward. I have no doubt you'll find a terrific home for your work. 

On days when I felt like a total sham—like I should just go back to graphic design where I was safely trained and talented, and not force this writing thing—I would subsist on those comments alone. I was encouraged in knowing that agents weren't just passing, but apologetic, specific, and encouraging.

Still, I thought I might be nearing the end of the road with my manuscript. Then I realized I hadn't looked into the untapped resource that is independent publishing. (I should mention that "independent publishing" is NOT self-publishing. An indie publishing house means you publish through the company, with a contract, and you get a percentage of sales. They are a publishing house that is not affiliated with any of the larger conglomerates.)

A quick search pulled up dozens of independent publishers. After a VERY careful detailed scouring of their sites, I decided on two. They both looked established and successful, no cost to author (fees are a huge red flag, of course), well-designed websites, decent cover art, happy authors who had lots of digital and online success (Kindle and Amazon, for example), and a solid track record. They both published in e-book format first, followed by print. I could do that. That could be a good start for me... So I sent my query to the two different acquisition editors. Both publishing companies requested partials rather quickly. Off went the first three chapters to their respective corners, while I played the usual waiting game for months.

Now back to the email I mentioned at the beginning of this post. It came about two months after that initial submission, and just one week after they had eventually requested the full manuscript! The email was from 48fourteen publishing. And it went like this:

Hi Lyndsay, 

After reviewing your complete manuscript, I believe that Fire of the Sea

would be a great addition to 48fourteen. We would like to extend an offer

for this novel. 

Fire of the Sea was captivating; an unexpected surprise.  Aeva's character

was admirable - she knew her path and stayed the course. With strength and

determination she overcame her obstacles. Mythological creatures seamlessly

merged with the real world - as we know it. Every character was

well-developed, unique, and had their own voice. The love between Aeva and

Gunner felt pure and real. Settings were described impeccably, lending to

the realistic feel of the novel. Readers will be on the edge of their seat

as they attempt to decipher the prophecy, uncover the secrets, and search

for the truth alongside Aeva and Gunner.

I would like to prepare a contract and send it to you for your review.

Please let me know if you are interested. If you have any questions, please

let me know so that we may discuss before sending you the initial offer. 

Thanks again for submitting your manuscript!

I think I was partially in shock. Well, and trying not to throw up, remember? My brain felt fuzzy and a little high. When I had given it time to sink in, I emailed them back and allowed my self to get excited. Just a little bit. ;)

The only problem was that I still had that other publisher reading the manuscript. Oh, and one big-time, well-known, NYC-based, fantasy agent who'd had a partial for well over six months. Oh that. I nervously asked if I could please have two weeks to let the other agent and publisher know about the offer, out of professional courtesy, but that I was very interested in working with 48fourteen. They were very kind about it, and gave me the two weeks.

I actually didn't hear back from the other indie publisher (who had gone on a LONG vacation), until after I had accepted the offer with 48fourteen. And I just had a feeling that wasn't going to pan out, anyway. But the NYC agent? As soon as I told him I was considering an offer, he jumped. "Give me 2 days and I'll have the whole manuscript finished. I'll have an answer for you then. I'm very excited about this. I'm kicking myself for not reading this sooner...strong chapters...yadda yadda." I had a funny inkling about him, though. He was flaky with my query, partial, and full. He would take ages to get back to me. He has a lot of authors on his docket... Something in me felt nervous when I thought about being another author on his client list. And something felt really good about 48fourteen.

While I waited for the NYC agent to get back to me, I emailed 48fourteen authors to find out a little more. Every one of them raved about their experience with the company. "They put everything they have into their authors." I didn't think I'd be able to boast the same kind of personal attention with Mr. NYC. I had my answer.

I finally had to email the big wig agent. Two days had passed, with no email or call. Then nearly two weeks. If I emailed him, he'd want one more day. I would warn him that I had pretty much made up my mind. He'd tell me to wait because he wanted to call in the morning. No call. After more days of this nonsense, I emailed 48fourteen and HAPPILY accepted their offer. Then I emailed Mr. NYC to inform him that I had happily accepted that other offer. He immediately wrote back, wanting to know who I had signed with, what their offer was, etc. DELETE.

After a few awesome emails back and forth with 48fourteen answering questions and getting the contract ready, I did this:

That's me. Signing a contract. And allowing myself to be really excited.

I am now so pleased to be one of the newest 48fourteen authors! I know my book is in great hands. Sure, I could have still pressed for a literary agent. And it could have taken literally years before that agent acquired a publisher and got the book on shelves. Or I could have let it all die out in the trying. But fortunately a little voice told me to look towards independent publishers. And even more fortunately, that lead me to find 48fourteen. 

It's very nerve wracking to send something like this out into the world. I have no idea what the response will be like. I have no idea what it will all lead to. But I can't wait to find out!

Funny side note: As I was typing this I received a form rejection email from a random agent I must have queried over a year ago, telling me they were no longer accepting clients. It's funny to see what surfaces when you are putting things out into the ether...

My road to publication: Part 2, Queries and Quandries

The first query I sent out had a grammatical error. Anyone could have done it. I changed a word to improve the flow, which then disrupted the sentence in a way I failed to catch. It was a last minute change, and I had read that darned thing so many times I could recite it back to you. So obviously I had five immediate rejections based on that query. 

The first request for a partial is like a lighting blot through your entire body. And the first request for a full? Immediate cloud nine. Followed by complete terror. My brother lives in New York City and has many friends, with many connections, from many walks of life. "You don't happen to know any agents who rep young adult lit, do you?" I asked in my parents kitchen, overflowing with people and food preparations. It was Christmas of 2011. I had just spent the last year writing and editing my heart out. "Actually, I do!" he said. My heart leapt into my throat. One of Greg's friends had recently published a book, and was repped by a literary manager, and Greg just happened to have her contact info. 

I remember turning to my Aunt Shannon in the kitchen and asking her to take a look at my query letter. That very first query letter—the one that probably still had an error. She helped me shape in into something decent. That initial query letter eventually lead to a better query letter, and one even better than that, that I continued to tweak. This is my current query (the one that finally landed me an offer). But the original query I sent to the manager (with my breath held tight) looked something like this:

Sharp, sleek, and golden. Like the dagger she has worn since childhood, eighteen-year-old Aeva is all three of these things. But there is something else that this mermaid and her prized weapon share. They are both hunted.

Hidden within the caves off Iceland’s jagged coast, Aeva waits to take her place as the next ruler of the Meriads. But new rumors of an old enemy begin to taint the merfolk’s guarded waters. Undine, the covetous shapeshifter from Aeva’s past, has emerged from hiding. She comes for the blade said to grant immortality, and is drawing Aeva closer to a forbidden shore.

When Aeva uses her potent and alluring song to save a drowning human, the balance begins to shift dangerously. Realizing she has unexpectedly bound herself to Gunnar—the raven-haired stranger with eyes to match an arctic sky—Aeva is torn between a promise to protect the Meriads, and leaving the sea for love on land. Surrendering to fate, she painfully severs one life to begin another.

On the unfamiliar banks of Iceland, Aeva soon finds herself not only rejected by the sea, but also stalked by dark forces. As the worlds of myth and man intertwine, Aeva looks to Gunnar’s family to help protect both her sacred relic, and the man she loves. But legends and lies cast an intricate net. With time and safety quickly unraveling for Aeva and Gunnar, there is only one clear course: Find and defeat Undine before she can shift again.

(on a side note, Undine's name is undergoing a change for various reasons, and I am currently scouring the interwebs and recesses of my imagination to come up with a new name for my antagonist...)

It was January when I heard back. She liked had liked what she'd read in that email, and wanted to read THE WHOLE MANUSCRIPT. Trying not to freak out, I sent it over immediately (in all its new and barely edited glory). For a month I bit my nails and played out scenes in my mind that included radio interviews and book signings (trust me, your mind does weird things when you've newly finished writing a book and someone shows interest). 

I remember where I was when she called me. We had taken a trip to the very snowy mountains of Utah in February to look at a little place called Heber City. "Just wait until we're on the other side of the mountain," Wes had said. "You're going to love it here." (Of course he was right, and we moved there a short 6 months later). We had gone inside a small restaurant to feed our pink-cheeked, snow-covered kids around lunchtime. When I came back out, I had a funny feeling to check my phone (which I had left in the car). Sure enough, this manager had called and left a chipper message saying that she had read my manuscript, loved it, and wanted to talk to me! I don't remember what else happened that whole trip because of my blissful stupor.

The next few days were spent playing phone tag, which made me really nervous. But when we had made it home to California, we finally connected. She also lived in L.A., and we chatted over the shared sound of a search helicopter circling the area. She really wanted to manage me as an author, but couldn't negotiate book rights because she was a manager, not an agent. First disappointment. But she did have lots of agent connections. "I'll send it over to [insert big name agent in NYC]." She'll read it over the weekend.

I didn't sleep all weekend. I rehearsed the Monday morning phone call in my mind a hundred times. She'll love it. She'll hate it. I'm going to be an author. I'm going to die. I was a little dramatic.

The phone call never came. I waited maybe three weeks and carefully emailed the L.A. manager. The big wig agent had "liked it, but didn't love it." Second disappointment. But the manager sent it out to the other agents she knew. We were hopeful. 

But one agent after another came back with the same replies. A lot of "likes" but no "loves." Mermaids are a hard sell in this market. They really enjoyed it, but had to pass because they just signed another mermaid book. My protagonist is too old (18). My protagonist isn't edgy enough. Ramp up the romance. The storyline isn't dark enough. The beginning is too slow. The themes are too much like The Little Mermaid. There's too much mythology. It's too long. It needs to be rewritten in third person. Month after month, these were the responses. Disappointment, disappointment, disappointment.

I was 19 all over again—hitting the dating pool only to be let down by that great-seeming guy I knew I was destined to spend my life with. I was feeling pretty rejected. My happy dreams of potential publication were being crushed in round after round of speed dating.

The magic was pretty much gone at this point. I had decided that I must be a really crappy writer who'd been fooling myself all along. So what if one manager liked it? No one else did! After one final and really nasty reply from one of Amazon's imprints, telling me "good luck placing this one," in a really rude tone, I decided to take a break. Maybe shelve this project altogether.

But this little voice kept saying "revise, edit, resubmit." I would restructure things, get some beta readers and start fresh. The manager, who had continued to champion my work totally understood. She said she'd be happy to read the updated manuscript, but she was afraid she'd done as much as she could for me, and wasn't getting the response she'd hoped for. Then she wished me well and signed off.

I was on my own.

Stay tuned for Part 3, where I set out into the wilds of agents and publishers, find reassurance, have many near successes, and ultimately decide to go with an smaller, independent publishing house.