2.25.2010

More thoughts on motherhood

Today I thought that I might faint from delight when a tiny little head poked its way out from under my ironing board. I was sitting on the couch and the ironing board was set low to the ground (so that I could iron and watch movies on the couch, of course). Maya was crawling all over, trying her hand at cruising and whether or not she wants to give walking a go. Not quite yet. So she poked her way under my ironing board and popped up in my lap. Her wispy bangs were in her eyes, and she beamed up at me as if to say, "You can't keep me out of the loop, Mom! Now pick me up or I'll chew on the iron cord!!" I swear she is absolutely the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I think my children are brilliant sparkling gems sent straight to me so that I can love and care for them. And I often feel unworthy of the gift, I admit. Finn said the other day, "I am so glad you're my Mom!" Woah. That is heavy stuff coming from a 3 year old for the first time! I felt like he had chosen me, and he was letting me know it. I told him, "I'm so glad you're my Finn."

I can't stop thinking about THIS beautiful, touching, and heart-rending post. It's a birth story from another mom (a beautiful and talented photographer). I was locked on the photo of her new baby girl looking at her as if to say, "I chose you." And I thought for an instant that that baby is absolutely the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Read her story (it's long and you will cry, but it's amazing).

It's a startling thing that takes place the very second you enter into parenthood (and I'm talking as soon as you get pregnant, or even make the serious decision to endeavor to become a parent). You are ushered unknowingly through doors that don't open again behind you. You are subject to all new levels of fear, and pain, and loss, excitement, and love, and complete joy and amazement. It's the most difficult and rewarding thing I will ever commit myself to. I am bound (quite literally sealed) to my children. I have never felt more needed and in need at the same time. What a delicious dichotomy.

And now to keep things totally real, Finn just crumbled 2 mini muffins all over the newly vacuumed rug after I repeatedly instructed him to KEEP THEM ON THE PLATE! He ran in yelling, "I make a mess! I make a muffin mess!" ... right after he pooped in his big boy underwear. Good thing he's the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. Sheesh.

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Kariane said...

I think your "thoughts" were great. We all love our kids and think they are beautiful and want to go wake them up when they finally fall asleep just so we could snuggle on them one last time. I love that you ended with the reality of as much as you crazy love them, sometimes, they make you nuts. Ha ha.

Shorty said...

I knew not to click on your link while I'm sitting at my desk at work, but a beautiful mother's story was too tempting to resist. I had to fight back the tears to save my un-waterproof mascara. What a beautiful story. What a beautiful series of emotions, so raw and pure. What a beautiful life that family has. Thank you for sharing that gift today.

rushton family archives said...

What a lovely phrase, "delicious dichotomy."

What you say is so true! I had no idea how heart wrenching motherhood would be.

Ali said...

I read Nella's story about 2 weeks ago and sobbed my eyes out. It brought back all to quickly that phone call I got from my Doc when I was prego with Gavin, that there was something on the ultrasound that could indicate a predisposition to him having Down's syndrome. And I sobbed. My little perfect baby that had already started to kick me might be less than perfect. And off to genetic counseling I went for more ultrasounds and tests. The only tests that would confirm definitely one way or the other, was an amino, a test and a risk at miscarriage I was not willing to take. And so I resolved myself to wait and see what precious gift I would been sent and love him forever no matter what.

monique said...

I simply adore your thoughts on motherhood. That is exactly what I hope to feel one day. Congratulations on your two beautiful accomplishments, and yes, you are all very blessed to have one another. And I too, knew better than to click on that link while at work, but I knew I had to do so, so I found myself in my office crying and smiling at this lovely story of love. So thank you for sharing your thoughts and that story.

embot said...

holy cow, that story! that story!!
perfect.

Marilyn said...

Lindsay, thank you so much for linking to that *absolutely amazing* birth story. I am changed.

Sarah @ Different Dog said...

I find my girls to be the most beautiful girls everyday. I think God makes our children so beautiful to us that we cannot refuse them, we cannot turn our backs on them, we have to pick them up when they cry and comfort them. It's a wonderful feeling to have for our little ones as they run through the maze of life learning what it is made of. Even if we have to clean up the poop, it is a beautiful thing.

Alexandra said...

"It's a startling thing that takes place the very second you enter into parenthood (and I'm talking as soon as you get pregnant, or even make the serious decision to endeavor to become a parent). You are ushered unknowingly through doors that don't open again behind you." All your words are so true. My husband and I recently made that serious decision to endeavor and I am already feeling my toward what kind of mom I'd like to be. Thank you for your beautiful words!