5.22.2009

On loving Maya

Maya is a 2 1/2 monther! She's not fitting in newborn sizes anymore, and I am starting to get that feeling like everything is gaining pace, ready to take off and leave the baby milestones in the past, one by one. So I need to start taking more photos and video. Wes took these gems while I was bouncing Maya on the Balance Ball (her very favorite thing, and I have the killer back pains to prove it). I couldn't even stop bouncing long enough to get a good steady shot. It was either keep bouncing and smiles, or stop bouncing and screams. So even though they are slightly out of focus, you can definitely get the full effect of Maya's adorableness.
*****
12:45 am:

I just finished bouncing Maya to sleep with a burp cloth wrapped around the back of her head and cheeks. I ate popcorn today. Sakes alive! Cross that off my food list. Maya spit up all evening long. I had gone into her room for the 5th time tonight to find her restless and cranky. Poor dear! She usually goes to bed right at 10, sleeps through the night, waking only to nurse (then right back to sleep...I'm telling you, it's that Miracle Blanket). Mothers of newborns, hate me if you must, but she's a good sleeper. She's been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks. And thank heaven for that. So I walked in to find her with her little swaddled legs straight up in the air, and she was doing a crunch position, like she was trying to sit up. Crazy girl. I picked her up, contorted her all around trying to see if I could smell anything suspicious coming from the bottom end of Baby Burrito (it's such a pain to unswaddle just to check for a poop). Then she spit up all over us. This always seems to happen on Bath Night (about twice a week for Maya). It's like she knows she's TOO clean. She is having Visitors tomorrow, and I wanted her to smell like a new baby girl. So Visitors, instead she will just have to smell like regurgitated breast milk (yes, I said it). But not to worry—there is still some Johnsons and Johnsons hovering around her wispy hairline for you to bury your noses in, and get a good dose of "new baby." Now back to the bouncing. As I was bouncing a newly burp-cloth-padded Maya, gazing at her slowly drooping lids, I was savoring the weight of her in my arms. She is getting heavier. Maybe 11 pounds now. As hard as it is to have a fussy baby, knowing how much she needs/loves me to hold her, just melts my heart. So I bounced and bounced, and she slowly slipped into sleep.

Wes and I were able to go see a performance the other night by Flight of the Conchords, while Jinx and Tiffany watched the kiddos. It was our first night out since she was born. And seeing as she won't take a bottle, it was definitely a gamble leaving her. I felt the invisible string that connects us tugging at me all night long. Of course I thought about Finn, too. But he would be having a blast with Grandma and "Pippy" to play with. It was like I could see Maya's wide blue eyes gazing out at me, waiting patiently for me to come home. It was hard to concentrate. It was fun to be out with Wes, but I was anxious to be home. Having a baby girl does something to me. I feel even more feminine without really having to change anything about myself. I feel an almost tangible connection to her that I don't get to have with Finn (I am sure Wes shares that with him). When I look at her it is like looking at the best part of myself, and self I want to become at the same time. I am enamored of the fact that she is her very own person. I expected a little brown-eyed, dark-haired Lyndsay clone. But really, I don't see anything of my physical self in her. I see Wes and his side of the family in her light brown hair and blue eyes, heart shaped face and widow's peak. I love looking at my Daughter and seeing her Daddy. It's precious to me. I especially love that I know she is my very own creation, but her very own person. She is a gift entrusted to me. I feel like I could possibly remember her from before this life if I look intently enough into her bright eyes. That little Maya. Such a big spirit in such a small body. How lucky I am that I have her. But really, she has all of me.


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Carolyne said...

Your little girl is such a sweetheart! Those eyes are so captivating! :)

A Day That is Dessert said...

I love this: 'such a big spirit in such a small body' and 'but really, she has all of me'. xoxo

melmck said...

man i miss that baby girl.

Tiffany M. said...

She is such a precious pinkling.

Kristin said...

Funny that you mention sleeping with legs in the air... my daughter did that at that age. I remember back then when we saw her start to lift her legs she was on her way to dreamland, and to this day (she's 4) when she is super tired I will find her on the floor or couch with her legs straight up in the air starting to doze off. Strange habit, but she has great stomach muscles!

Sorry to hear about the reflux, but hopefully a diagnosis of something will help it improve. I know it did for my son. We found that side to side swinging (as opposed to front to back) helped him get to sleep. He's almost two now, and there has been no sign of reflux for more than a year.

Hope things get easier!

KatieJ said...

This is such a sweet post!

Melanie Anne said...

What a lovely post! I have 5 sons and would love to experience that connection with a daughter, but I may not get that blessing, darn it! I loved to read about yours though! You are wonderful Mother!

Christy said...

What a lovely post...and so true, they do have the very best of us, don't they? And even better, for me at least, is how she brings out the best in me! Such a lovely post, and yes, even though they're fuzzy, she's still adorable!!

Vivian said...

Lyndsay,
She is so gorgeous; I love her precious little face. Just adorable.

wendysue said...

Those babes. They do it to us everytime don't they? Even with all the trouble they seem to have, they win us over with those eyes and smiles. 3 out of 4 of my babes were colicky, one with milk/soy intolerance and the last one with reflux. Not fun but it WILL get better, and those pictures are precious.

With all that bouncing you do, you should check out another blogging momma I follow at www.jaimerlyjaimes.blogspot.com, she made this www.soodleseat.com.

I swear I'm not an ad, even though it was hard to say all that and not sound like one.